5 Months Old?!!

Tristan and Grandma Laura
Atti boy and Devin



Tristan... poop face:)







Both The Boys Atti is helping a brother out and picking Tristans' nose

Our boys are FIVE MONTHS OLD!! I still am completley baffeled by this?!! Its so crazy to think that a year ago from this very moment I was pregnant with twins and completely oblivious!!! Its incredible how much your life can change in just one short year!!

Just a small update on the boys they are laughing which I love and they went to the dr. monday and Atticus weighed 11.1oz and Tristn weighed 9.0oz. man I love my boys!! Here are a few pictures from their first swim at Grandma Laura's house and some others as well:)!

Oh and Im down to only days of work left before I get to stay at home with my boys!!! I can hardly wait!!

family photo shoot by Ashlie Hilton

New Happenings

Its been far too long since I last posted but I've been rather busy. s I can officially stop working July 1st. AHH!!! I am soo excited. Its been a great blessing to have had my bank job, and even better that it was able to work with my schedule, but lets face it I would much rather be at home with my boys.
Our little boys are getting big but are still pretty little. They are going to be 5 months old this month!! its so crazy how the time has just flown by. Atticus is now 10 pounds and Tristan is now 8. Its crazy to think that they are still the size of some newborn babies at 5 months!! They are starting to smile a lot now and are so close to laughing. Its so cute when the smile and "talk" Atticus especially likes to jabber, he has a fondness for classical and church music and gets excited and talkative whenever he hears any. Tristan is a funny little guy he lays on one side of his head and no matter how many times I go in and turn him or put blankets behind him so she doesn't lay on it he finds a way around my contraptions and the back of his head is flat as a board... so He will most likely be getting a helmet..He already kicks his pants socks and anything near him off when he is mad.. so we will see how well he does with a big old helmet strapped to his head. I really cant express how wonderful being a mom is, it probably helps that I have really good babies, they have been sleeping through the night for about 2 months now (if you haven't read "baby wise" you should). which lets face it makes a huge difference and luckily even though I have been working I have still been able to keep breastfeeding them both without supplementing formula, this personally has been the greatest achievement because I know I am incredibly lucky to be able to provide for not only one but two babies. They both contiue to grow and learn and its so incredible to watch this amazing process I love them so much and couldn't be more grateful for the beautiful family and life that I have been blessed with.

Conference Weekend

A nice brotherly conference nap

every now and then Atticus finds his thumb and goes to town!

Devin with the boys on their blessing day The Twin gravitational pull

I LOVE CONFERENCE WEEKEND!!! thinking about conference six months ago things were so different. I was living in a different appartment scattered all over our living room floor with string, needles, and fabric all over the place five months pregnant! sewing the crib bedding for the two beautiful boys I am now holding today. Life is good:)

our lives

atticus

blessing day

Tristan and Atticus

Tristan

Atticus

Life... I started back to work last week... Soo sooo sad, I had worked at Wells Fargo as a teller before I was put on "bed rest" 9 weeks into my pregnancy. Luckily my benefits covered me the entire pregnancy and when Devin lost his job at Wells Fargo in January and all the medical bills began to pile up my plans of being a stay at home mom changed. Unfortunately Tristan still has some lingering medical problems and we can not afford to be without benefits. I can't lie it is hard to walk out the door 4-5 days a week for several hours knowing my husband has worked all night and is tired or rely on one of our mothers to watch them, I know that they will be OK and the people taking care of them love them and that they are always well cared for. But when it comes to being a mother it really feels like no one could possibly do the same job that you do.. so it sucks.
They boys are growing like crazy! Tristan has finally reached six pounds which seems crazy for a 2 1/2 month old but when you start at 3.7 pounds its pretty excellent!! Atticus is also over 8 pounds.. it feels like every moment of their lives has flown past I wish I had a pause button!! Tristan had a dr. appt last week where he had a series of ultra sounds, and he has a pretty bad hernia and has some fluid in his right kidney, a hydroseal in his right testicle as well as some other plumbing problems he was born with that will require surgery when he is 8-12 months old. The hernia may be fixed at that that time or sooner depending on how bad it really is. The fluid in his kidney is from what the dr thinks is reflux, which means when he uriniates some of the urine is refluxing back into the kidney. The dr. said it did not look very serious if it was he would not be thriving, however it can cause greater chance of infection and could potentially damage his kidney if it gets any worse. They hydro seal is fluid trapped in the testicle/abdomen and should absolve on its own. Tristan will see a pediatric urologist here in town next Friday and they should be able to give us some time frame as to when the hernia needs to be fixed as well as his other issues, and they will run a test to see how much he is refluxing to determine how bad it is and if some intervention needs to take place.

The were also blessed this past Sunday it was wonderful!

That's pretty much it as far as our lives go.
oh and the boys are now sleeping 6-7 hours straight at night!

Picture Update

Life with the boys

So both of my boys are finally home!! Atticus was discharged Valentines day, it was wonderful to bring him home and just snuggle and hang out at home for a change instead of the hospital, it was also bitter sweet leaving Tristan behind, luckily he was able to come home only 2 days later on the 16th. Having just one baby home first was a nice little transition. Both of the boys have now been home two weeks and its crazy how fast the time has flown by. As much as I wish the boys could have come home with me right after they were born the three weeks they spent in the NICU were really beneficial for me as a new mother. The way the NICU is set up really caters to helping teach parents how to take care of your new baby, everything from CPR classes, to lactation specialists you name it I was taught so many valuable things while they were their that have made having two babies home so much easier. It was like having a three week trial run of being a mom, before I was on my own. Both of the boys are doing wonderful gaining weight and eating like little piglets, I spend most of my time nursing and have to say its such a special experience to share with my boys, although tandem nursing is more time effective, I prefer to do each one at a time, this gives me special one on one time with each of the boys that otherwise I would miss out on. They are so beautiful and sweet, and really are good babies. For having two babies at home I am surprised at the amount of sleep I am able to manage each day. I am able to get about six hours a night between feeding and burping them and a little nap during the day if I want so I really have nothing to complain about.

Because they are preemies I was told by several dr.'s not to take them out in public at all until RSV season is over so we have not been out and about and have been cautious about taking them around to show them off to family and such. We have had a few visits with family that were great, and it will be nice when they are a little bigger and this season is over and I don't have to hide out with them in my apartment. But for now keeping them healthy is much more important.

As far as personalities go they are both so different, Tristan is much more patient but has a little bit of a grumpy old man attitude at times its so hard not to laugh some times when he starts grunting and making his "angry" face this is probably horrible for me to say but he looks just like Uncle Arnold (Archie MacGregor) from how to lose a guy in 10 days when he gets upset, he even farts like Uncle Arnold too, so he has sort of earned himself the nick name. Atticus is much sassier and is not as patient, especially when he's hungry. They both are very fond of each other however, after months of them beating each other up while in my tummy I thought for sure they would come out punching and kicking, but this is NOT the case. Atticus will not sleep in his crib unless he sees Tristan laying next to him, Every time I lay him down he opens his eyes to peak and see if Tristan is there, more often than not once he as established Tristan is there he will fall right to sleep. I have them in the same crib right now and I put them on opposite ends but they gravitate towards each other and stretch their arms out to touch each other its the sweetest thing. I went in to check on them last night only to find Atticus holding in Tristan's pasfiar for him and their arms were inter locked, it was so cute. I am really taking in all these sweet moments before they get bigger and start beating on each other once more!

On a sad note, I must return to work... Its something I have gone back and forth with for a few months now and due to finances and the fact that our insurance is through my bank job I really have no choice. Luckily I will only have to work 2 or three days a week 20 hours max and Devin works nights so he will be with the boys during that time. Its sad but hopefully it will only be for a short time.

THEY ARE HERE

Tristan and Atticus Tristan had ripped out his feeding tube so he has a red mark on his cheek from the tape... poor little guy! first time after a week apart co-bedding

Tristan and Atticus snuggling in their bed

Tristan Atticus 2 weeks old already!!!

Baby Shower

Atticus first time he successfully breastfed 6 days old :)

So several weeks have now passed and I have quite a bit of catching up to do. First I just have to say thank you to everyone who came to my baby-shower!! So many people came and with not a lot of notice! We received tons a gifts and it was good to just be around so many good friends and family! thanks everyone!!

Friday the 21 Sonogram:

Well just like everything else in my pregnancy what happened at my sonogram I could never have predicted. Two weeks prior to this sonogram Tristan had taken a two week break from growing which put all my Dr's in a frenzy scheduling sonograms and C-sections, adding NST (non stress tests) to my already weekly slew of NST's and just putting me and everyone one else on edge about when these boys would be arriving. So this sonogram would be the determining factor of weather or not my Dr. would go through with my C-section the next day. Results??: Tristan measured a near 2 pound growth in just two short weeks.. Yes Shocking but it gets weirder Atticus was now showing no growth in the last two weeks... So after several Dr.s and Techs came in and re-scanned and re-checked the sonogram and realized it was not a mechanical error that the results really were the truth I really didn't know what to expect.. and I was thinking I'd probably get sent home for another two weeks. Fortunately my Dr. had mercy and after telling her I had already been showing signs of labor and unfortunately toxemia she decided that everyone had had enough of this "growth non growth" nonsense and it was just time to pull the plug.

D-or should I say C-day

So C-section was scheduled for 7:30 am.  meaning I had to be at the hospital by 5:00. So I set my alarm for four, I woke up went potty decided I still had time and laid back down and hit the snooze, before the alarm could even go off MY WATER BROKE... AT this point I have water gushing every wear and I'm telling Devin to hurry and get out of bed before he gets soaked (too late..)!! and he grabs me a towel I hobble to the bathroom completely drenched and sit on the toilet.. Where I start laughing hysterically because I honestly should have known this would happen! My mom comes in and is frantic (we had been staying at my parents house so my mom could help me while on bed rest) and she starts telling me to quit laughing and hurry because my contractions (which weren't really hurting at this point) were going to start hurting and fast! luckily Devin had packed the car the night before so I just changed my clothes and got in the car. My mom was right my contractions got harder and harder the whole way to the hospital and by the time I got their I fallowed Devin all the way up the Elevator to the third floor, when I had already been to Triage twice and knew it was right down the hall on the first floor!!! anyway luckily my nurses and the team that had originally been planing on me to come were already there and waiting for me. By the time the nurse checked me I was already to a four. Luckily it was wasn't long before I was on the OR table and my BEST FRIEND that whole morning (my anesthesiologist) was administering the drugs that was putting me into the most pleasant mood! Atticus was born at 6:01 and Tristan was born at 6:02!!

I had been preparing myself for this moment and this day for forever it seemed and nothing went the way I had planned it would (but what ever does in life right?) I had braced myself for the worst.. the babies would be taken straight to the NICU I wouldn't get to see them, I probably wouldn't see them till the next day... they probably would be on oxygen etc etc.. Well Atticus came out crying (best sound in the whole world) and Tristan didn't take to long to get started either. The nurse came and let me see both of them before they took them to the NICU. I also was able to go visit them in the NICU that very afternoon. Neither of them had to be on oxygen and they were just perfect Atticus was 5.1 and Tristan was 3.7

They are still in the NICU and doing really well they both off IVs and had to be under jaundice lights for only a few days. Atticus is nursing like a little piglet and is completely free of his feeding tube. Tristan has taken a little longer to catch on to breastfeeding but he is also a lot smaller so I cant expect him to do anything at the same rate as Atticus. The Dr. is already talking about kicking Atticus out of NICU but once he is out I will have to juggle trying to see Tristan in the NICU and have a baby at home.. So for now having them both in the NICU where I can sit with them all day and nurse them both and be with them both is the best thing. They have the best Dr's and nurses and they will try to get them going home at the same time but insurance may kick Atticus out since he really does not need to be their anymore. So we will see but for now I'm happy they are here, healthy and I get to be their mother:)

The End

Today is Sunday, usually Sunday is my favorite day of the week but for the over a month now I have been left behind as I watch my family,husband parents and siblings all leave for church without me, I have to say There have been plenty of compromises made in accommodation with this pregnancy and not attending church is the my least favorite however this is probably my last Sunday pregnant, and I can hardly even believe where all the time has gone?!! I am ready to have my body back and be able to have a little normalcy in my life again but at the same time I feel apprehensive and sad that I will no longer get to feel my sweet babies move inside my body all the time. Regardless of how many pounds I've gained (and no I'm not ashamed its a grand total of 70 just in case you were wondering) how many stretch marks have showed up (lost count a LONG time ago), or how uncomfortable or inconvenient things have become during my pregnancy I really have enjoyed being pregnant and truly wouldn't take back a single stretch mark or ache for any part of this incredible experience. Unfortunately since Tristan has stopped growing, my dr. has planned a C-seciton for this Saturday the 22nd feeling as though there really is not much else that can be gained if he were to stay in eutro. Fortunately Atticus continues to grow and develop and with any luck will not have too many problems being born prematurely at 34 weeks and 6 days. Its so surreal that this is my last week.. I do have a sonogram this Friday and if there have been any drastic changes for the better as far as Tristan goes than there is a chance that my c-section would be called off, but even knowing that I'm in my last few weeks is just so insane.. I don't know if its the apprehension of having not one but two babies or the unknowns of premature babies but either way I am not ready yet!!! Of course who ever is right?! My body has also started to show some signs that is almost done as well, I am swollen like a tick! its really quite comical but my blood pressure has gotten higher causing the swelling as well as some nasty migraines the past week, not to mention my belly has quite literally taken a nose dive... no longer can my muscles hold up my ever growing belly and it has dropped considerable and seems to be growing downward.. its really funny and I am sure I will look back on these pictures one day and die in laughter but even if I'm not ready, my body is getting ready so if not Saturday not too long after (really crossing my fingers not before!!) other than that things are going pretty well with the babies they have several test each week and continue to do very well.

On a very sad note a good friend I went to high school and church with passed away this Saturday. Shane Smith. He recently returned home from a full and faithful mission he served in Guatemala. Saturday he was involved in a hang gliding accident and was called back home to his Heavenly Father. Anyone who knew Shane can attest to how fun and positive he was. He was always doing something crazy weather it was hang gliding, cliff jumping, wake boarding, you name it there was nothing he wouldn't nor could not do exceptionally well. I feel very honored to to have been one of his friends and be apart of that zest for life he carried. One summer in particular he taught me how to wake board, took me on a couple of dates one of which involved him taking his fathers truck way up this mountain on a trail that was pretty much non existent and nearly crashing his dads truck (sorry brother Smith he probably never mentioned this to you) to get to the top of the trial. Once at at our destination he treated me to pizza on the very summit of this Cliff where you could see all the city lights. Shane was a great friend, a great brother, son, and a prime example of how to live life to the fullest. There is no doubt in my mind Heavenly Father had a greater plan for Shane and that his life on earth was short but complete. Until we meet agian Shane.

OH BABIES!!

So I have made it another week!! However just when I was starting to feel confident that bed rest was going to take me to my goal of at least 36 weeks I got some bad news. Most of the problems associated with babyB aka Tristan during this entire pregnancy are directly related his portion of the placenta. They have pretty much officially decided that they are in fact Identical twins and the placenta which looks like two placentas fused together as one just hasn't worked quite as well for baby B. This has been the main cause for multiple Dr. appts every week and the extensive and large amounts of sonograms I have had. I swear they have a separate filing cabinet just for me at the Dr.s office. Any way they have paid special attention to Tristan to make sure he is continuing to grow and all of that good stuff, although he has been quite a bit smaller the majority of the pregnancy he is a little fighter and faulty placenta aside has managed to make remarkable progress. Unfortunately today at my sonogram his luck had run out. His portion of the placenta just has reached capacity and can no longer sustain him enough to help him grow much further in utero. While baby A Atticus weighs in at about 4.6 pounds Tristan is only measuring at about 2.5... not good news especially when two weeks ago he was only a few ounces smaller. At this point my Dr.s are going to monitor me even more (crazy to think that is even possible at this point) and they have given me another round of steroid shots to help improve the babies lung growth and function. Its kind of a game of chance at this point; do we risk the health of Tristan to give Atticus a few more weeks to pack on some weight and have an easier time.. or do we risk a severely premature birth for both babies to get Tristan out and the nutrients and supplement he needs that he is no longer receiving from me... I have four Dr. appts next week all of which will involve a series of tests, if Tristan passes the tests and does not seem to be in stress they may wait it out another week or so if not during any one of my appts I could get wheeled down to L and D. Its been such a long journey and I really can't say that I am at all disappointed, at any time in the last 15 weeks since Tristan has started to show signs of problems my placenta could have just given out. I've made it clear to 32 weeks and 6 days without that happening, at this point yes it is still scary and yes there are still many risks involved but the odds are so much better now than they were even a week ago. That's pretty much it for now until next time... at which point I may be an official mother of two baby boys.. CRAZY!!!!