The End

Today is Sunday, usually Sunday is my favorite day of the week but for the over a month now I have been left behind as I watch my family,husband parents and siblings all leave for church without me, I have to say There have been plenty of compromises made in accommodation with this pregnancy and not attending church is the my least favorite however this is probably my last Sunday pregnant, and I can hardly even believe where all the time has gone?!! I am ready to have my body back and be able to have a little normalcy in my life again but at the same time I feel apprehensive and sad that I will no longer get to feel my sweet babies move inside my body all the time. Regardless of how many pounds I've gained (and no I'm not ashamed its a grand total of 70 just in case you were wondering) how many stretch marks have showed up (lost count a LONG time ago), or how uncomfortable or inconvenient things have become during my pregnancy I really have enjoyed being pregnant and truly wouldn't take back a single stretch mark or ache for any part of this incredible experience. Unfortunately since Tristan has stopped growing, my dr. has planned a C-seciton for this Saturday the 22nd feeling as though there really is not much else that can be gained if he were to stay in eutro. Fortunately Atticus continues to grow and develop and with any luck will not have too many problems being born prematurely at 34 weeks and 6 days. Its so surreal that this is my last week.. I do have a sonogram this Friday and if there have been any drastic changes for the better as far as Tristan goes than there is a chance that my c-section would be called off, but even knowing that I'm in my last few weeks is just so insane.. I don't know if its the apprehension of having not one but two babies or the unknowns of premature babies but either way I am not ready yet!!! Of course who ever is right?! My body has also started to show some signs that is almost done as well, I am swollen like a tick! its really quite comical but my blood pressure has gotten higher causing the swelling as well as some nasty migraines the past week, not to mention my belly has quite literally taken a nose dive... no longer can my muscles hold up my ever growing belly and it has dropped considerable and seems to be growing downward.. its really funny and I am sure I will look back on these pictures one day and die in laughter but even if I'm not ready, my body is getting ready so if not Saturday not too long after (really crossing my fingers not before!!) other than that things are going pretty well with the babies they have several test each week and continue to do very well.

On a very sad note a good friend I went to high school and church with passed away this Saturday. Shane Smith. He recently returned home from a full and faithful mission he served in Guatemala. Saturday he was involved in a hang gliding accident and was called back home to his Heavenly Father. Anyone who knew Shane can attest to how fun and positive he was. He was always doing something crazy weather it was hang gliding, cliff jumping, wake boarding, you name it there was nothing he wouldn't nor could not do exceptionally well. I feel very honored to to have been one of his friends and be apart of that zest for life he carried. One summer in particular he taught me how to wake board, took me on a couple of dates one of which involved him taking his fathers truck way up this mountain on a trail that was pretty much non existent and nearly crashing his dads truck (sorry brother Smith he probably never mentioned this to you) to get to the top of the trial. Once at at our destination he treated me to pizza on the very summit of this Cliff where you could see all the city lights. Shane was a great friend, a great brother, son, and a prime example of how to live life to the fullest. There is no doubt in my mind Heavenly Father had a greater plan for Shane and that his life on earth was short but complete. Until we meet agian Shane.

OH BABIES!!

So I have made it another week!! However just when I was starting to feel confident that bed rest was going to take me to my goal of at least 36 weeks I got some bad news. Most of the problems associated with babyB aka Tristan during this entire pregnancy are directly related his portion of the placenta. They have pretty much officially decided that they are in fact Identical twins and the placenta which looks like two placentas fused together as one just hasn't worked quite as well for baby B. This has been the main cause for multiple Dr. appts every week and the extensive and large amounts of sonograms I have had. I swear they have a separate filing cabinet just for me at the Dr.s office. Any way they have paid special attention to Tristan to make sure he is continuing to grow and all of that good stuff, although he has been quite a bit smaller the majority of the pregnancy he is a little fighter and faulty placenta aside has managed to make remarkable progress. Unfortunately today at my sonogram his luck had run out. His portion of the placenta just has reached capacity and can no longer sustain him enough to help him grow much further in utero. While baby A Atticus weighs in at about 4.6 pounds Tristan is only measuring at about 2.5... not good news especially when two weeks ago he was only a few ounces smaller. At this point my Dr.s are going to monitor me even more (crazy to think that is even possible at this point) and they have given me another round of steroid shots to help improve the babies lung growth and function. Its kind of a game of chance at this point; do we risk the health of Tristan to give Atticus a few more weeks to pack on some weight and have an easier time.. or do we risk a severely premature birth for both babies to get Tristan out and the nutrients and supplement he needs that he is no longer receiving from me... I have four Dr. appts next week all of which will involve a series of tests, if Tristan passes the tests and does not seem to be in stress they may wait it out another week or so if not during any one of my appts I could get wheeled down to L and D. Its been such a long journey and I really can't say that I am at all disappointed, at any time in the last 15 weeks since Tristan has started to show signs of problems my placenta could have just given out. I've made it clear to 32 weeks and 6 days without that happening, at this point yes it is still scary and yes there are still many risks involved but the odds are so much better now than they were even a week ago. That's pretty much it for now until next time... at which point I may be an official mother of two baby boys.. CRAZY!!!!