An Update: Baby #4 and a Little of the Unexpected

Something about pregnancy brings out the blogger in me. It may also be that each pregnancy/delivery has brought with it the element of surprise or difficulty that sends me to my "outlet" to
document and I'll be it vent or get certain thoughts and feelings off my chest it's great therapy for me and I find my self again needing that little outlet. Lets just start from the beginning shall we. This story could certainly be under the category of over-sharing for which I make no apologies but you have now been fairly warned. 

The beginning is really the end of Scarlett's pregnancy  during her delivery. I had a repeat c-section for Scarlett having only had a 10 month sabbatical from the boys delivery before becoming pregnant. My pregnancy with Scarlett was an absolute breeze! Especially in comparison to the boys pregnancy. She was a mellow mover and the only real complaint I could share would be the ever constant heartburn which I happily dealt with given all the obstacles thrown my way with the boys pregnancy! And I think it certainly contributed to the full and adorable head of hair she was born with! My c-section was scheduled for 38.5 weeks. I'll fully admit I was so not ready the week or two before! I felt like I needed more time to prepare before adding baby number 3 to our family!

 The day of my delivery was non eventful we woke up went to the hospital, I was as you might expect incredibly nervous but all went smoothly. Following her delivery I was told by the nurse who had been with me start to fish that whole day that things didn't exactly go well and that I might not be able to have more children due to how thin my uterus was when the doctor preformed my c-section. I was told this literally with in the hour of delivering and while I was still in the recovery room. My doctor and I talked more about it that day and at my post op appointments in the weeks that followed. It has been something I haven't been able to stop thinking about since. Thankfully my doctor had a more full and complete account of what transpired and I have shared it on my personal blog before. In a nutshell The lower section of my uterus is what my doctor described as "paper thin". After Scarlett was delivered she removed the damaged tissue from my uterus leaving only the strong tissue and essentially "fixed" the problem. The issue is that it can thin out again or even worse in any subsequent pregnancy so the fix may only be temporary and we honestly won't know until a second pregnancy if problems arise, if I go into labor, or during a subsequent c-section. Essentially the risk I face is uterine rupture, which is life threatening to me and the baby & not something you want to mess around with.

Devin and I both agreed shortly after Scarlett's birth that
this risk was not worth having more children and that we would be done. Having three children in 19 months was also much more challenging than I could have ever anticipated and surely helped reiterate that feeling of being "done" for me quite often. 

My boys are now four and totally potty trained, since Scarlett's birth Tristan has had 5 surgeries to correct a birth defect he was born with and we are now fairly confident that he won't need subsequent surgeries. That in itself has been such a hard experience for us as parents and especially Tristan and we are so happy to be moving forward. Essentially we are in a new phase of child rearing and things have been dare I say a little easier since the boys have turned 3.5-4.

 Devin began dropping hints last summer that maybe we should re-visit the topic of having more children. I completely shut him down and wouldn't hear any of it. He being Mr. persistent didn't let that stop him and eventually stepped up his game. Early this fall we had our first real conversation about having another baby. I'll admit that my fears overwhelmed my desire to have another baby and made it hard to think about actually having another let alone starting the process to do so. After several more "real" conversations and some humbling and spiritual intervention in my own personal life, I agreed to at least speak to my doctor and ask her if I was crazy to do this. Once again I felt the sprit really pulling on my heart strings as my husband and I entered her office and had the "talk". This too ended up being a moment of clarity for me and my doctor said; while there would be more risks she felt confident in giving me the go ahead and that we would deliver this next baby 2 weeks early as an extra precaution and deal with anything else that may arise along the way most of which I asked about and wanted to know a full game plan best/worst case scenario. I asked her a ton of questions all of which I felt she answered in a way that made me feel more assured.

 Even with all the reassurance and the overwhelming excitement and support from Devin I didn't feel ready to move forward. I had felt so "done" having children over the last several years it was hard for me to wrap my head around doing just the opposite. I still wasn't fully on board when the first positive test came and it came much quicker than I thought it would. Which truly was a blessing in the long run. Nothing quite like being thrown into something head first to get you to shift into gear. Morning sickness was twice as long and hard this time around not exactly the welcome back to childbearing I was hoping for but I was thankful for that constant reminder that things were going well and feeling crappy is definitely a good indicator that things are going well. 

Along the way my excitement has definitely increased and I now can't imagine not having taken this path. Following my 20 week anatomy scan a few weeks ago my doctor however had some bad news. I have placenta previa and an anterior placenta. Meaning my placenta is low and partially covering my cervix as well as growing beneath my previous c-section scar. She wasn't too concerned about the placenta previa as it often resolves on its own but wasn't thrilled about the placement of my placenta under my scar. 

one of the things I love about my doctor is she always gives it to me straight. The problem is my placenta can attach or embed and grow through my scar this is know as Placenta Accreta. Best case scenario my placenta doesn't get out of hand and does not attach to the scar. Worse case is it does and I will need a full hysterectomy the day of my cesarean. I knew these were some of the risks I faced before going into this, but I honestly felt like things would go smoothly and we wouldn't even have to deal with anything out of the ordinary. I suppose Heavenly Father just really wants me to fight for each of these babies and has made my path to childbearing just that. An overwhelming desire to bring each of these children here safely and be willing to do what ever it takes to do just that. Right now I'm on pelvic rest for the next 7 weeks until I have a follow up ultrasound at 28 weeks. hopefully by then the placenta previa will have resolved and pelvic rest will be lifted. We will also check and see if there is any visible growth of the placenta through my scaring at that time.

 At this point I am thankfully feeling really great otherwise and trying not to over do it. If you know me at all you know this is hard enough in itself because I always feel like I "need" to be doing something. I am trying hard to pick my activities wisely and not cause myself any extra trouble.  There has also been no indication that either problem is causing real issues at the moment which I am very grateful for and hope will continue, unfortunately that could change in an instant so I'm trying to just not think too hard about that. Having done the whole hospital bed-rest with the boys I know well enough to keep things low key. 

To add to the element of surprise we decided not to find out the gender this time around. I have a pretty overwhelming feeling what the gender is already even though I don't actually have any confirmation.  it has been such a different and cool experience not knowing! The days before my 20 week anatomy scan when we would have normally found out the gender Devin and I both discussed how upset we would be if we accidentally saw and ruined the surprise! We both spent most of the ultrasound staring at the ceiling and the wall to doubly insure the one surprise we actually had control of wouldn't be spoiled! This baby is incredibly active and despite having an anterior placenta I'm feeling lots of regular movement from him/her. The kids excitement about this pregnancy has also been so much fun this time! The boys and especially Atticus ask me about the baby often throughout the day! 

So here we are on another pregnancy adventure holding our breaths a little and hoping that all will end well in the end and trying not to over think things in the mean time! I also am beyond grateful for my doctor. She has been so amazing throughout each of my pregnancies and knows more than anyone what we have gone through to bring each of these babies into this world. Knowing she is in my corner gives me great comfort and I always know that regardless of what happens I am in good hands! 

I will have a follow up ultrasound in the next couple weeks at that time hopefully we will have some more answers. In the mean time I am hoping things stay as non eventful as possible and I'm crossing all fingers and toes that I don't have to be put on bed-rest! I'm sure I will update again if anything changes. until then!

-Haley